This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
