just come out here and I will go home with you...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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