Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
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it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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