Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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