Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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