my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
soo... how was my night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
