why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
