You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
