i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
