I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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