I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
