Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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