just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize