Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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