i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
