yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
