Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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