You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
