Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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