I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
