I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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