he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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