I want to stick my p in your. b.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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