So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
