I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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