I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
