This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
ok first of all what the fuck
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
