On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
