then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
