Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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