Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
