you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
