That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!