No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS