R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."