If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.