Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.