we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
