he wants to bone in the snuggie
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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