Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
