Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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