i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
