kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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