There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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