I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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