Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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