there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
