I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
