every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
