the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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