Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
