I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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