i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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