Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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