i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
