OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
