ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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