I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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