On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
