i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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