so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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