i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He felt like a one man threesome
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
