absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
