She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
