So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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