He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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