The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
